Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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