He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
