Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
