A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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