My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
