im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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