A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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