He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
