dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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