I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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