Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
