then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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