i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
