the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
a search helicopter?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
