Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
