Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
