I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
