I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
