she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
