Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
