So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
