im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
