We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
