$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
