Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
