Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
