zippers are such a cool invention
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
