A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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