You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
