It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
