So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
