Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she pinky promised me she was 18
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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