Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
