I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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