so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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