is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
