Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
