Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
