Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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