How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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