I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
