Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
