Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
