he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
