If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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