she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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