And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How does one acquire holy water?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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