There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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