The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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