Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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